Why Self-Care and Self-Compassion are Necessities in Eating Disorder Recovery…and in Life
As an eating disorder dietitian, people are often surprised that my counseling sessions aren’t solely centered around traditional nutrition education. Yes, of course breaking down nutrition myths can be an integral part of the therapeutic journey, but that just isn’t the whole picture. I mean, it’s called “nutrition THERAPY” for a reason! We gotta go deeper than surface level.
Whether I’m working with someone 1-on-1, or facilitating a group with multiple persons, there is very high chance the topic of self-compassion will come up in conversation. And this (I believe) is because most clients inherently struggle with self-esteem; the negative core belief that they “don’t deserve” to eat, or even that being compassionate to themselves is somehow too self-indulgent. That’s why this Valentine’s Day, I want to remind everyone in addition to celebrating the loved ones in your life, please remember now and always that SELF-COMPASSION IS NOT SELFISH, and is truly healing for the millions who struggle with their mental health.
I mean, think about it for a sec. “What would it be like to be gentle with yourself?” A wise client of mine and I actually had a great conversation about this very statement recently. We discussed our mutual experiences noticing how being gentle with ourselves was a much kinder way to respond to our thoughts and actions - and how being harsh has (more likely than not) been more harmful.
I know personally, when my thoughts tend to be more negative, I become less motivated overall, less creative, and not the least bit inspired to treat myself/others/or life situations with kindness. However - when I’m able to take a step back, breathe slowly, and observe triggers with non-judgement….I’m a much happier person to be around. Dr. Kristin Neff, the well-renowned self-compassion researcher, has studied the ins and outs of this framework for improving mental health outcomes. She and colleagues have concluded that those with improved self-compassion skills tend to be more resilient when hardships arise. (1) In a society where evidenced-based research for mental health purposes is hard to come by, you can’t argue or ignore the science on this one.
In my line of work, clients with constant inner criticisms about food and body image feel like it is nearly impossible for them to escape this negative feedback loop. I also see clients with chronic dieting history and body dysmorphia whom have a difficult time prioritizing taking care of themselves mentally, physically, and spiritually.
This is where self-care comes in.
Caring for oneself is just one of the first steps towards a more self-compassionate approach. You may be asking “What are ways that I can take care of myself to cultivate this inner kindness?” For me, it could be something as simple as taking a walk, listening to an audiobook, music or podcast; being creative, stretching, playing with my dog….maybe it’s the “boring” stuff like getting enough sleep, eating regular meals and snacks, or taking prescription medications. I’ve noticed in myself and others, when I prioritize all types of self-care habits, life just feels better.
What are some of these habits (both “fun” and “necessities”) that you could try to work more of into your daily routine?
Another question to ponder: “Are there areas of your life where you could let go of rigidity?” Eating disorders and chronic dieting create a false sense of control, when in fact, the person struggling is holding onto unrealistic expectations and rules for themselves. In my opinion, it is impossible for self-compassion and disordered eating to coexist…but self-acceptance CAN increase if we are actively working to dismantle our inner saboteur. Take this excerpt from the publication Psychology Today:
“Letting go of those perfectionistic beliefs can also help you connect more deeply with others since we’re all messy, complex, flawed beings. Vulnerability, self-compassion, and self-respect can pave the road to recovery and gently guide you away from those old beliefs. You are—and always have been—unconditionally worthy of love and belonging.” (2)
Final thoughts: We, as humans, are more likely take care of AND give more time and attention to the things we love. While it’s important to give our passions and purpose to benefit others, it’s just as important (if not even more) to turn that energy inwards. Even if you don’t resonate with the terms “body love” or “body positivity,” let this be a re minder that self-care and self-compassion are essential no matter where you identify on the body image spectrum, or where you are at in your life journey.
Resources: